do you think i'm worthless
do i mean nothing
am i a human that lives
or one that has died
should i ask if i'm wrong
or should i assume i'm right

Mia's learning life
ha

all started when i moved here in smithville... i'm new.. i'm going to school.. compared to being homeschooled it's a big difference! not being at home 24-7 not having a certain time to wake up by.. it was weird.. but as i lived here and as i kept going to school meeting new people every day i started hanging out with the 'well known people' and so then on i became 'well known'.. everyone started to know who mia rustici or the new girl was id get a punch in the arm.. id get a 'HEY MIA' walking through the halls.. i now know where i am in the school.. and people know me..  so i began to get really good friends with the guy zach me and him begin to talk, text, and hang out to where him and i told eachother everything! we knew so much about eachother and still do.. so he broke up with his girlfriend because they were having rough times and i was there to help him through it.. me and him didn't look at eachother as anything other than like best friends/ brotherly sisterly ways.. and okay then it's when it all started when me and my ex-boyfriend cameron started going out... it was fantastic.. we were always together.. we lived close.. he's a junior.. i'm a frosh... i would go see him at work.. bring him food.. visit him on his lunch break everything!! but then he told me how much he didn't like the fact me and zach were sooo close.. he told me and i told him he's nothing to be afraid of.. he didn't believe me.. me and zach at this time stopped hanging out so much... so cam and i were ok although cam still had doubt about me and zach's relataionship.. so  then haha things started getting rocky.. things started to go down hill.. i was getting scared and did anything i could to be close to cam because i didn't want to lose him.. he didn't look at me the same.. he didn't treat me like his girlfriend... and one day he didn't come to my locker after school.. which was really weird.. because he always would.. so... i get my stuff leave and walk down the stairs.. walk outside and see him talking to another girl i didn't care but i knew who he was talking to and she's a well known.. uh.. ha whore?! so i was like.. hmmm but then i was like whatever it's nothing.. not sure what to think... but me and how i am.. i just blew it off and i shouldn't have...but i did.. one weekend i visited my brother.. left cam down here you know everything was cool... i get on facebook the next night... and talking to him telling him about my day and such there with my brother  and he sits there bragging about how much fun he had with tiff at the movies the night before... i didn't care.. i trusted him....  i get a phone call while i'm with my brother later that night.. one of my best friends.. and his cousin.. she tells me that he's holding tiff's hand...... in front of a whole lot of people.. i was shocked i was hurt.. and i instantly came to realization that it happens alot and i didn't realize this until it happend to me...  i call him to confront him.. he denies it...   that monday at school.. it was hard to look at him in the eyes... hard to hold his hand.. hard to hug him.. just thinking of the weekend.. him holding another girls hand.. he asked me what was wrong.. i told him.. but he continued to flirt with her.... i cried.. i was hurt... i was talking to zach about it all and he told me to follow my heart.. and at that point i had no idea what my heart wanted.. but then i realized.. i don't deserve this..  i don't deserve to get this when all i wanted was a trustful relataionship...
prom came about two weeks later.. we were still together.. i made it clear he can dance with her if i can dance with zach (who he had a problem with... and i knew cam wanted to dance with tiff.. he told others and they told me! so  i just thought i should let it all clear before stuff gets started..) we confirmed it... it was cool...  i could tell he was getting mad at the fact me wanting to dance with zach but at that point.. i could have cared less and just let him have his fun.. because my heart was so solid by then half of the night... he danced with her... half of the night i pretended to smile and have a good time i danced with zach.. i danced with others but it wasn't cam.. so a   few days after that.. i was tired of hurting.. tired of not eating... i broke up with him.. told him i couldn't do it.. and what turns out to be.. he didn't trust me being friends withe zach.. i'm hurt... still am... never thought we'd end it... we seemed so ha together haha we were both short we just had alot in common.. i think maybe a lil too much in common..  but then thats when it comes back.. the best things never last forever......

i haven't really talked to him since then.. and i found out he liked tiff while he was with me and i guess alot of other girls.. so i guess i did it for the better for him and i but i'm not going to lie.. i still miss him...
people change things never stay the same.. but i'm learning as haha REAL highschool goes on.. and i'm getting wiser ha 

but now.. i'm just chillin meeting yet still meeting new people.. and life is going good.. i'm jsut going to watch my back a lil more this time

as summer comes.. relataionships fade..
new one's occur .. summer is a time for fun
summer is a time to let go..
just not too much

i feel like i'm holding onto a rope.. with all of my strength
but everyday this rope pulls away from me..
this rope has no grip and soon it'll be gone
so that'll be the end of me holding on.

we smile although we are both holding something back
We laugh because we get along
we cry because we're both hurt..
we stare at eachother in the eyes and read what each other is feeling
but we stay strangers...
because we're scared of how hard we'll fall.

.her.

I do not like asking myself what's wrong
I hate not knowing why i'm confused
I do not like wondering
I hate asking for help..

I will always have a smile on my face
You will never see me down
I will always be there for anyone in their time of need
You will never see me sob
I will always be the first to have the shoulder open for you to cry on!
You will never know what my true feelings are...

written by

.her.

I watch a 2 year old cry and I think to myself ' the only reason she's crying is because she want to go outside'
I watch a 6 year old cry and I think to myself 'the only reason why she's crying is because her picture got tore up'
I watch a 10 year old cry and I think to myself ' the only reason he's crying is because his video game got turned off'
I think to myself...   now.. i cry because i'm emotionally hurt...

it's the size of your heart
the thoughts in your mind
the love of the world
one thought of a kind..

written all by me..

.her.